Sometimes, when life gets tough, an unavoidable thought of wanting to disappear pops into our heads. The desire to leave everything behind, including those problems that keep us up at night, that tide of obstacles that do not allow us to reach our goals. If you’re depressed, you may feel like you can’t do anything right, and fantasizing about disappearing before messing up your life even more is a common recourse. It’s too tempting: you shouldn’t even have to explain anything to anyone, you wouldn’t have to deal with your idiotic boss or the dishes in the sink.
It is not so much about going on vacation or dying, but about running away from overwhelming situations or future problems. If you have felt it, you are not alone.
I want to disappear (but not forever). This state of mind affects many people. It is a distortion of the thought that running away will solve all your problems and it is momentarily comforting to imagine that you have the option to run away from them. Shame or having been wrong also implies an uncomfortable feeling of exposure that leads to wanting to disappear. And everything is accompanied by a physiological response that contributes to disengagement and behavioral withdrawal.
People who can’t get over that feeling often fall into depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses.
“I leave everything and set up a garden.” Who has not dreamed of breaking the schemes of a squared and routine life? Who has not come to yearn for a simple life, be it cultivating a garden or going to the beach to set up a beach bar? As SINEWS psychiatrist Orlanda Varela explained in this Traveler article, “our routine has no room to activate the enjoyment mode. All of this suffocates us and pushes us into a rebellion: going back to basics, to less artificial happiness and deep down we are prisoners of superfluous things”.
Why? Various studies indicate that the human brain is designed to respond to stress in four basic ways: fight, freeze, flatter or flee. The fight response involves aggressively confronting perceived threats. Freezing uses stillness to avoid danger or makes people unable to act against it. The one of flattery seeks to please another person to avoid conflicts. And the flight response leads you to run from a threatening situation.
“It is the latter, the fantasy of escape, that is the common mechanism that superficially relieves some stress pressure,” explained clinical psychologist Therese Mascardo in this other VICE article. That means running away is simply one of the ways people respond when life gets tough. Something built into our survival instincts.
What actually happens? that this feeling it is often an indication that something in someone’s life is not working properly and may need care and attention. People who say they want to disappear may actually be saying: I feel lonely and need love, I feel sad and need comfort, I feel ashamed and need to know I’m normal, I’m tired and need rest, or I feel lost and need meaning. to live.
Solutions. As several psychological experts recommend, a good way to start is to get some space: in stressful situations, stepping away and taking some distance for a while can help reduce the feeling of being overwhelmed and helpless. Also rest: although the routine does not allow it, we must rest to prosper. Naps, vacations, and unstructured time can lead to better long-term productivity.
Laughing, playing and moving is the best antidote: doing activities that involve us helps calm anxiety. The benefits of movement are not limited to weight loss, exercising or walking is good for reducing stress. And finally, another thing that people can do when faced with the desire to disappear is to face the problem head-on. That is, identify and directly address that which leads you to want to “disappear”.