In the global business environment, profit margins are decreasing in most companies, which is generating stress and discussions among owners, managers and their team of collaborators, in the search for better results.
Business is not for the faint of heart. While passion is the spark that inspires entrepreneurs to pursue their dreams, profit margins determine whether or not those dreams are a sustainable business. “We must listen to what is said, but even more important in a negotiation, is to listen to everything that is not said.” Peter drucker
We already know that good leaders seek to develop skills such as negotiation, risk planning, teamwork, and decision-making. However, business leaders who excel are distinguished by doing all of this with a high level of assertiveness, even in the midst of high-stress situations.
The stereotype of the confrontational leader is outdated
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Few like confrontation, and yet that seems to be people’s favorite style of approaching a complicated discussion. Instead of seeking collaboration, antagonism is cultivated: difficult conversations are not an exchange of ideas, but a 12-round meeting where one partner must defeat the other. And this happens in various situations: we have all claimed late delivery from a supplier; attended a council meeting where strategy is heatedly debated; admonished a collaborator for his poor performance, fired someone …
We cannot avoid this type of situation (in my experience, these occur even more intensely in family businesses, where the business circumstances are combined with the emotions of the members of the business family), what we can do is reach agreements without needing to escalate the severity of the situation. Many are born with this ability, but it is also possible to develop it if we use tools that help us to have sensitive talks with intelligence. How about we check a few?
Cultivate empathy
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Putting yourself in the other’s shoes is essential to avoid conflicts that are born, for the most part, from misunderstandings. It’s not just about trying to understand what the other person is feeling, it’s about making sure you’re both really on the same page. Many discussions occur simply because both parties assume what the other is thinking; the truth is that these assumptions rarely correspond to reality.
How many times has it happened to us that two people argue because they have not realized that they really agree? This brings us to the next point:
Corroborates
Confirm that your interlocutor understands the situation and your position on it; You can paraphrase the problem, summarize it, and repeat what the other person has raised, or ask the other to do so to make sure the message was received without distortion. Another useful tool is to say: “what I am understanding is …”, so the other person can corroborate if your interpretation of the information (be careful, not only of the words, but of the non-verbal language) is correct.
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Be efficient to speak
It is tempting to spin around a delicate matter, to beat around the bush, but this only contributes to complicating spirits. It’s best to communicate difficult topics concisely, bluntly, and obviously concise does not mean tactless.
Banish the “but”
Imagine that you need to talk to a collaborator who has not been doing their job well. The situation can become more manageable if you try to reduce the negativity in your vocabulary. That is to say: instead of “you used to do the job well, but you are no longer performing”, for example, try something like “you are good at your job and I know you try to do your best; I think we can… ”. Same message, different delivery.
Do not look guilty
Your goal should not be blame management, but problem solving. Finding guilty causes people to become defensive, to hide their mistakes, and to try to avoid future responsibilities.
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Be realistic and let it flow
A prepared speech helps you keep track of all the details to share, but it also leaves you vulnerable to the other being “off the script.” It’s best to have a list of topics to play on and let the conversation flow naturally, channeling it as it progresses. Regardless of your good intentions, the other may deny the problem, blame others, or even get angry; anticipate a bad response and have a plan of action. You cannot control the emotions of others, but you can control the way you respond.
Virtual assertiveness is also possible
Now that telecommuting is here to stay, the question arises: can we bring the skill of having difficult conversations to the digital world?
Yes Yes we can. The key is to try to take the impersonal out of digital communication, bringing conversations as close to face-to-face interaction as possible. Some tricks to achieve this are:
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- Using video call apps, this helps to maintain eye contact and observe the facial reactions of our interlocutor, something that is not possible in a voice call.
- Allow the other to ask for the floor or interrupt us if he lost the thread of the conversation or is not understanding a concept. Monologues don’t work. They make people feel unheard so after a few minutes they stop paying attention to us.
- Take notes of what is being said and then at the end of the meeting confirm with your interlocutor if what you have written down matches what he or she wanted to say. Thus, both parties make sure that they are on the same “tune”.
A great entrepreneur never loses sight of the human component of his business. Difficult conversations are uncomfortable, but inescapable, so preparing to have them is a skill that you cannot put aside. Books like Difficult conversations, written by members of the Harvard Negotiation Project1, can help you delve into this topic. My final recommendation would be: assertiveness is a skill that can be learned, no matter your character. Get informed, prepare and practice, practice, practice! Remember, negotiating does not mean losing.
References:
- Stone, D., Patton, B & Heen, S. (2000). Difficult conversations: hot to discuss what matters most. New York, USA. Penguin Books.
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