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5 minutes
Some parents let their babies cry to avoid “spoiling” them or making them dependent. But, in reality, they may be causing them significant damage. We show you why.
There is no sound more heartbreaking for a mother or father than the cry of their baby. In these situations, the instinct asks to go to her side to calm her hunger, her pain or her anguish. However, Certain beliefs have spread that make parents doubt; for example, the statement that the baby should be allowed to cry so that it does not spoil or become dependent.
This type of assertions and advice can come from the family itself, from the immediate environment and even from certain professionals. Thus, parents find themselves at a crossroads: they fear they are spoiling their son by caring for him, but letting him cry is something that is painful and unnatural for them. If you have seen yourself in this situation, allow us to tell you more about it.
Why is it not good to let the baby cry?
There are various explanations that show how harmful it is to let your baby cry without attending to him, but before this you can resort to common sense. How would you feel if you are in danger and your relatives ignore you instead of helping you? What would you think if you expressed your anguish to your partner and he turned his back on you?
Are They are attitudes that you would never adopt with an adult the one you love So why apply them to an infant who totally lacks the resources to fend for himself? Beyond this, we tell you what are the reasons why it is necessary to attend to your baby when she calls for it.
Stress levels rise
Crying is the only mode of communication a baby has. If you have any need, be it physical or emotional, you need to convey it to your reference adults and this can only be done by crying.
If they ignore his call, the child begins to feel in danger: he is totally dependent on his parents and if they do not take care of him, he cannot survive. Thus, a state of alert is triggered that raises stress levels. And while short-term stress isn’t harmful, when it’s prolonged, it can have serious health and developmental consequences.
An insecure attachment is established
Attachment is the bond that forms between the baby and its primary caregivers based on how they meet the infant’s needs and respond to their demands. To set a secure attachment the adult response needs to be consistent; that is, that the baby can trust that her parents will come when she needs them.
By letting the baby cry, this premise is lacking and, therefore, an insecure attachment is generated. Thus, the child may come to the conclusion that no one is going to help him when he is in trouble (developing an avoidant style) or that receiving help or not is unpredictable (generating an anxious attachment). In any case, these early learnings will shape his view of himself and his attitude towards others and towards life in a negative way.
May create subsequent sleep disturbances
The practice of letting the baby cry without attending to it usually used when applying certain sleep workouts. With them, effectively, it is achieved that the infant does not cry demanding attention when he wakes up at night. However, he actually does it because he has assumed that no one will come to his call.
Now, many people who have been trained in this way have insomnia and other sleep-related difficulties, even as adults. There may be a fear of the dark, an inability to sleep alone, or serious trouble falling asleep.
Difficulty emotional regulation
One of the functions of parents regarding the care of their children is that of emotional regulation. Keep in mind that a baby does not have the skills or the tools to manage her unpleasant emotional states on her own. A) Yes, it is his parents who offer support, affection and comfort, and help him to regulate himself.
From this example and this good practice, the child will progressively learn to deal with their emotions in a healthy way. When you let the baby cry, you negate this regulating effect. and he is left alone with sensations that he does not know how to handle and that will overwhelm him more and more.
As a result of this, later difficulties with emotional self-regulation may appear. Anxiety, depression or low self-esteem are just some of the effects that can be derived from this practice.
Letting the baby cry is ignoring his needs
First of all, you must remember that your baby does not want to manipulate, tease or take advantage of you; if he cries it is because he has a physical or emotional need that only you can cover. Now, there are certain intentional cries that the child uses to communicate and interact with adults; for example, when he cries because you don’t let him pick up the mobile phone.
In this case, you know what the origin is and you know that it does not respond to a need (hunger, pain, fear…) However, even in these cases you have to attend to it; and serving him does not mean giving in to his requests, but accompanying him and help you regulate discomfort. Ultimately, it’s about having empathy.
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