You think you don’t deserve it
It sounds like a self-help book but it’s very true: if you don’t love yourself, no one else will. It has been shown in some online dating studies that we tend to date people who have a similar level of attractiveness, income and education to our own. Be careful: the important thing here is that actually we think that these people meet these characteristics. That said, what do you think of yourself? If you feel sorry for yourself, this can truncate your ability to initiate contact with people, or lead you to people with commitment problems. You may also feel that your ugliness, shyness, or whatever you think you have, makes it impossible for you to find a partner or for pure people to come that you don’t like, and for you to stop trying. Maybe they hurt you and you think you don’t deserve to be loved or you are afraid of being vulnerable and that they will do something to you again.
These thoughts can lead you to seek love in ways that are, honestly, self-humiliating, in which you practically “pay” for love, because you believe that you do not deserve it on your own merits. Thus, you minimize your needs so that the other person is well, you modify your image out of desperation and not because of your own desire, you spend more to look good because you believe that your presence is not enough.
You are too needy
You have such an intense need for love that you overwhelm your potential partners. You need your person to show signs of interest … all the time, And still it’s never enough You practically beg for attention, but sometimes your insecurity can’t accept it when you receive it. Thus, you need partners who all the time tell you the reasons why you deserve to be loved, and that is overwhelming for anyone. Your insecurity makes you need a lot of attention and that is a lot to ask, and that’s why you end up alone.
What you need is to understand how your despair is affecting you and why you need so much validation. This will almost inevitably lead to traumas from the past that you have not resolved.
You ask too much
Maybe your parents and the world have flattered you so much that you feel like the rest of the world is not enough for you. Thus, you create zero realistic expectations and you become too selective. You will not settle for someone who is not perfect, but we have news for you: nobody is perfect. Not yourself.
This can also be diverted into another type of thought pattern: you are so demanding that you are aware of all your imperfections, and because you think that others are as demanding as you, you feel that no one is going to love you.
You must reevaluate what you are looking for in a partner and recognize that you are severely limiting your options. Analyze your belief system and start opening up to new people.
You are very pressured
Perhaps you are the only single one of your friends, perhaps your mother dies for a grandson. These factors often increase the pressure to find a person, but they also make you feel ashamed, hopeless and desperate … and many times that makes us end up with the wrong person and end things shortly after, because obviously, they did not work. The answer to this is simple: understand that you don’t have to carry other people’s expectations. No hurry. And if you want to be single forever, that’s fine too.
Traumas from previous relationships
They hurt you and you are afraid they will do it again. As a result, you have a hard time having or maintaining new relationships. And it is obvious: if every time you did something it resulted in tragedy, you start to hope that everything will turn out the same and you think that the world is against you. And what is worse: after so much blow, the frustration, anger and despair make you think that it is not worth taking care of yourself physically (why look handsome if it is going to go bad anyway?), That every time you feel less self-confident, and therefore less apt to meet someone new.
The whole world can play bad tricks on you. However, that does not stop making you a solid, valuable and kind person. Never forget. If you do not work on reinforcing these beliefs, your low confidence will make you see the whole world as a threat, as someone who is going to want something from you, you are going to give it to them and they are going to abandon you. This is going to put you on the defensive – in the worst sense – every time you start a relationship, as much as you genuinely want to connect.
You did the wrong thing once
It happens a lot: you think you made a mistake in a previous relationship, and now you think you always will. So you go on self-sabotaging yourself – and your relationships – through life. Remember that you decide how to behave, and although it requires some effort, change is always possible. Also, future partners are not your ex. The same problem doesn’t have to exist in the first place. Do not close yourself to new opportunities.
Healing from past experiences takes time and is very normal. However, it is something that does not happen magically. Make it a point to make an active effort to re-see the world – and people – as a blank canvas.
The time has not come
Sometimes the answer is that simple. It may be that you are aware of how amazing you are, that your past traumas are well worked out, and you may even feel identified with any of the above points, but not in a way where you cannot deal with those challenges. That is, you can be a person completely suitable for a healthy relationship. However, it may be that the opportunity simply did not present itself. For some reason things haven’t lined up, and there’s not much to do here but something to remember: patience is a virtue. Seek balance: don’t stay locked in your house waiting for the perfect partner to magically appear next to you, but don’t go through life looking for love either. Work on feeling good about being single. Do the things you love, experiment with new things, and remember one of life’s biggest cliches: Valuable people come when we least expect them.