Experiencing the different nuances and ways of achieving pleasure alone or with others has become a constant in our lives. However, taboos, prejudices and social dispositions make us hold back and experience everything we might want. The Spanish sexologist and author Valerie Tassohand in hand with Lelo, launched the book Kinky sex and BDSM for laymen. an introductory text to these practices, which seeks to demystify and explain in broad terms what they are about, what their differences are and, especially, to serve as a reference to participate in these erotic practices and contribute to people’s sexual lives. So what is Kinky Sex and BDSM? Keep reading…
Although some of us may feel that we are open to the subject, the truth is that it is not easy to assimilate this type of information the first time. But little by little, thanks to pop culture, the topic has been demystified.
Here is a small summary of what Valérie wants to convey in her book.
What is ‘Kinky sex’?
It could be summarized as sexual practices outside the conventional (outside of the ‘normal’). A way to add a touch of novelty and joy to passions.
In short, it is adding constant changes when maintaining relationships, which can range from leaving the bed aside and doing it in the kitchen, the car, a public space, among others, varying sexual positions and introducing erotic toys. However, those who like Kinky can also enjoy bondage and domination.
It does not require as much protocol as BDSM, but both with the same principle: respect. Would you dare? It’s perfect for couples looking to rekindle the flame.
So what is BDSM?
This is the term that is most demonized when talking about “intense sex.” The acronym refers to three different erotics: Bondage-Discipline, Domination-Submission and Sado-Masochism. Valérie identifies them as a role-playing game. Her motto is: “Healthy, safe and consensual.”
Now you may wonder, is it violent? The sexologist affirms no, because violence does not contemplate an agreement. In addition to having a safe word, which when pronounced is a complete stop to the activity, regardless of your role in the play.
It is so complex bdsm which includes a dress code, for speaking, there are even specialized toys to practice it. Are latex, whips, ropes and silk masks familiar to you? Although they can be used in Kinky sex, they are designed for bondage, domination and submission. “BDSM practitioners are much more rigorous.”
How to get started in Kinky Sex and BDSM?
Valérie Tasso provides us with some tips to start exploring this world full of fantasy.
The three Cs: Communication, trust and consensus
When trying new things, it is always necessary to have a long conversation with your gaming partner. What makes you feel comfortable? What do you disagree with? When to stop?
Set limits
Make a list about certain games and ask bluntly “Yes”, “No” and “Maybe”. Compare your answers and see what catches your attention to practice.
Research and read more about the topic
Valérie explains it this way: “A new language is not learned overnight. “You have to study it.” The same thing happens with Kinky Sex and BDSM, researching and having sources will help you know the subject in depth and also have your own opinions.
Tasso totally advises against going straight into practice. The purpose is to try, there is no rush and much safer. Little by little he reaches the top.
Don’t expect great results the first time.
Do you want to try something new? Go beyond vanilla sex? The author fulfills her mission by introducing all mortals to a world full of new experiences and games that could result in full enjoyment for adventurers. Make sure you have all the information, keep learning and open your mind to enjoy all the benefits that these erotica can give you.
The book is available when purchasing certain Lelo brand products on its website.
This article was originally published in the September issue of the digital magazine of Nupcias Magazine.
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Mariel Otero del Río Believer in true love and the magic of finding it. Corny and closet geek. Lover of movies, series and sagas. I always say that when you change your hair, your life will change.