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4 minutes
Work on social skills is key to overcoming extreme embarrassment. But there are more tips you can follow to beat shyness.
Wanting and not being able: this is one of the common feelings for those who are extremely shy. those who live like this they feel that they are the ones who are watching from the other sidewalk how their friends have fun playing soccer, while imagining themselves running after the ball.
Extreme shyness becomes a real torment because it limits enjoyment. Let’s see what it is and how you can work to live a more spontaneous and free life.
What is extreme shyness?
For those experiencing extreme shyness, exposure is distressing, sometimes taking visible forms such as tremors, breathlessness, sweating, and fainting. Thus, in order to avoid this discomfort, people withdraw more and more into themselves.
In addition to genetic causes, it sometimes originates from the experience (yours or someone else’s) of a stressful situation that worked as a trauma. Parenting style is another of the environmental factors that hinders adequate social interaction: very authoritarian or overprotective styles threaten the security and confidence of children.
In general, this avoidance behavior is usually determined by some limiting beliefs and thoughts around ourselves, accounting for low self-esteem. We do not believe ourselves capable, valuable or interesting. It is also reinforced by very high and difficult demands to meet.
Finally, that fear that “no one will talk to me, I will get very nervous and I will be left alone” it ends up becoming a reality because of the self-fulfilling prophecy. We get nervous and we are speechless because we were reinforcing that idea. Everything becomes a vicious circle from which we cannot escape.
Sometimes extreme shyness isn’t just shyness, it’s part of something more complex, like social anxiety. However, it is important not pathologize nor put labels before being sure of the complexity of the situation.
5 tips to overcome extreme shyness
Overcoming extreme shyness can be quite a challenge for those who experience it. For this reason, in many cases it is recommended to consult for professional help so that they can accompany us in the first steps.
Some of the advice or strategies that are being worked on to address it are the following:
- Nothing is forever. It is important to believe in ourselves, to trust in the possibility of change. Perhaps for a long time we were shy, we felt bad and we were limited to fulfill our wishes. However, that may change.
- Find a “form” that pleases us. No one says that to stop being shy you need to go to the other extreme: be the life of the party or become the most outgoing in the group. Abandoning the shyness that limits us should allow us to interact at ease, feel safe and comfortable with ourselves. What it is about is allowing ourselves to be as we want, to know ourselves and to find a way of being that represents us.
- Take advantage of opportunities. Many times, imagining the feared situation becomes an excuse to stay home. However, it helps a lot to overcome that inertia and go out, relate to people, boycott those thoughts that lock us up. So we can see that if we make a mistake nothing bad happens.
- Expose yourself gradually. From the hand of the previous point, you can start taking small steps. For example, deciding to participate in your small group work instead of doing it in front of the whole class. Or, accept a small outing with two or three partners and not with the larger group. So you can give yourself your time.
- work the social skills that favor contact with others and allow us to communicate. For example, learning to give an opinion, make constructive criticism, refuse a request, accept an invitation.
With shyness, everything becomes a calculation
Extreme shyness collapses our world. Suddenly, everything becomes a calculation of the risks to which we would be exposed.
This is how we turn down a date with friends, but as we get older, we take refuge in remote jobs, where we don’t have to interact with anyone. There is always some excuse protects us and we use them as a defense mechanism. Actually, they are our greatest prison and weakness.
Working on extreme shyness is key to being able to enjoy life, so that experiences are an opportunity for enjoyment and not for torture.
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