Most of us, when we reach adulthood, we know perfectly well how to take care of our body because they have been teaching us all our lives: brush your teeth, eat well, exercise, don’t smoke or drink, don’t lean out so much that you’ll fall, rest, sleep well, fasten your seatbelt…
It is also common that if we want to improve something in our body, such as its health or its physical condition in general, we go to a professional to help us and guide us: a doctor, a physiotherapist, a trainer… We know how to seek help.
The same does not happen with our head. Throughout our life, we rarely get advice or help on how to take care of itY it is also not easy to recognize when we need help and where to find it.
Six months ago now, I reached that point: I realized that I could use a little help and thanks to a good friend, I found it. as she looks like a Taboo subject which is embarrassing to talk about, and because I think may be helpful to other people who are in a similar situation, I will tell here 13 things I’ve learned in these six months going to the consultation of a psychologist.
1. It is not necessary to be “fatal”
Before taking the step of calling the office of what is now my psychologist, I hesitated a lot because I kept repeating to myself “Exaggerated, you’re not that bad”. Now I realize that this thought is nonsense, or is it that Would you wait until you were about to die to go to the doctor??
Don’t wait to be “fatal”. If for whatever reason you are not constantly there and you think that a little help could come in handy, that is reason enough.
2. Find someone you feel comfortable with
This is very important. Just like with a doctor, it is important that you feel comfortable with your psychologist. If you go to one and you don’t feel comfortable in your query, look for another, another, another and those who are needed.
3. Sometimes at first you don’t even know why you’re going
According to my experience, the cause of your problems is not always obvious. In my case, after spending a very bad year, and thinking I had straightened things out, I found myself with a feeling of sadness that I couldn’t get over. It was like being in a hole where nothing was holding me but I couldn’t get out.
I didn’t know what kept me sad and so I couldn’t fix it. Talking to my psychologist I continue little by little unraveling the skein and giving each emotion its name and its cause.
4. Forget your preconceived ideas
Going to therapy is not like we see it in the movies. It’s more like a chat with a friend. Neither couch, nor “what do you see in this drawing”, nor tests, nor anything. Just that, talk.
5. It is liberating to talk to someone who does not judge
Your family, your partner, your friends… Hopefully you have many people in your life with whom you can talk. That was my case, I did not lack ears. but they were ears that have your opinions and that because of the love they have for me they wanted to help me by telling me what I should do. I was also sure that I already had them bored with so much stuff.
With therapy I knew I had an hour to talk about what I needed without personal judgment, without “what you have to do is this” and if my psychologist got bored, well, it was her job and what was she going to do. In any case, if I have ever bored her, she has never shown it to me.
6. Liberating, yes, but not always pleasant
Precisely because my psychologist does not judge me, I am not tempted to keep things quiet or hide them. Y telling your raw truth sometimes is not pleasant at all. Many times I leave therapy with a messed up head and having cried the hardest.
7. It can get harder over time
As I say, therapy time is not always pleasant, and some sessions are more so than others. In my case, it has been getting harder as we have progressed, because the most obvious problems are the first ones that you focus on, but once you have faced them (not solving them, that goes at a different pace), other things are coming out that perhaps you had not identified.
8. The importance of putting into words
If I have learned anything in these six months, it is how important it is to verbalize what is happening to you. Put it into words, even if it’s just to say it to yourself. Then you can tell the others, or not, it’s your choice. But putting it into words makes it all more manageable than when it’s a dark, indeterminate emotion in your head.
9. You will discover things about yourself that you like (and others that you don’t)
By putting into words things that you have been thinking about for a long time but that you have never expressed, you will discover details in them in which you had not noticed, and you may like it, or you may not like it. Especially since many of them have to do with your personality traits. Some will make you feel proud of yourself and others will cause you rejection.. Part of the process is accepting both.
10. This is not about being happy forever
Let no one believe that going to therapy is the way to achieve eternal happiness, because it is not. Being sad, angry, frustrated or apathetic is part of life and pretending otherwise is effectively paving the way to unhappiness.
11. This is about building strategies
Rather, the goal is to find a way to manage our head in all situationsincluding when we feel sad or frustrated, so that we are the best version of ourselves for ourselves.
12. You do this for yourself and for no one else
For ourselves, I say, because another thing I’ve learned is that this is about you, above all. If I wasn’t comfortable in my skin, I wasn’t going to be with anyone else. If your house of cards falls apart, rebuild it starting with yourself. Then the others will come.
13. We need to talk more about this
In my close circles I have talked about my visits to the psychologist like someone who talks about going to the physio: naturally and whenever the subject has come up. And the most common reaction has been curiosity, empathy and personal interestno rejection or discomfort from anyone, or hardly anyone.
I was surprised to discover how many people around me have ever thought of seeking professional help of this kind and never done it, many times out of modesty and other times out of doubt as to whether it was really something for them or not. I hope hearing me talk about it helped you decide.
No shame: seek help
No one is happy all the time and there is nothing wrong with that. There is no blame or shame for being unhappy, or ignore the situation thinking that it is “normal” and spend the day gritting your teeth to cope with the situation. Luckily, there are people who can give us a hand with it, just as doctors help us to be healthy. It is a matter of seeking and taking advantage of that help.
This article was originally published by Rocío Pérez in October 2017 and has been revised for republication.
In Vitónica | A psychologist tells us everything you can do if you are having an anxiety or panic attack
In Vitónica | This is how a psychologist helps you when you have a chronic illness
Images| istock