Partner relationships represent an ideal setting in which to observe the most frequent types of attachment. Do you want to meet them?
In order to obtain affection and attention, people need to establish links in our relationships with others. In this sense, the ties that we build with the couple provide a clear model of the types of attachment towards which the human being tends to lean.
As John Bowlby already pointed out in his theory, some of these trends are less healthy than others. We invite you to delve into these interesting aspects.
What types of attachment are possible?
1. Anxious or insecure attachment
To understand what insecure attachment is based on, we’ll give you a simple example.
You have a work dinner with your colleagues. You have not yet arrived at the restaurant when, suddenly, you start receiving messages from your partner.
You may have thought that way out, but not even an hour has passed when you begin to sense his nervousness.
He is interested in knowing the names of the colleagues you are with. He asks you if you are not missing him if you would not be better at home than at that meeting.
Little by little, he coerces you with his anxieties, his fears. In short, with their mistrust.
Perhaps this type of attachment is familiar to you. If so, try to identify the following characteristics in the behavior of these people:
- They need almost constant displays of love. It is as if we are forced to show that we continue to love them.
- Sometimes they even interpret the sexual act as a manifestation of “property” rather than true affection.
- They are very aware of our reactions. They worry about unimportant details, imagining that something bad happens in the relationship and that we are going to leave them.
- They change their mood very easily. There are times when we are the best in your life, but then instantly show apathy and suspicion.
- They use manipulation as their most subtle weapon. It is the way of doing his will through blackmail, the “ultimatums” of all or nothing, or even victimization.
2. Distant or cold attachment is another type of attachment
Those who show this attitude of avoidance understand affective relationships in a different way than is usual. In other words, your response contradicts what others expect.
They do not require closeness, they demand their own space and they are not very expressive on an emotional level.
This does not mean at all that they do not love us. What happens is that their way of doing it does not correspond to ours.
That distance and the scarce need for a loving bond come to cause suffering in the couple, in case the couple does not accept or understand this style of behavior.
But what other habits are usually common in these people?
- They find it difficult to interpret the feelings and requests of their partner.
- They need both their physical and personal space.
- If at any time we exceed that limit, they feel very upset, hurt and even betrayed. It is as if we are unable to understand them.
- They tend to prefer solitude. For this reason, they often avoid serious commitments and prefer sporadic encounters.
- They experience emotions but choose to suppress them.
3. Secure attachment
Those who base their relationships on this kind of attachment are those who usually achieve greater stability and emotional enrichment.
But what is their secret? What does this type of link consist of?
- These are people who are not jealous. That is, they do not try to control the couple because they trust her.
- Although they like having their own space and understand that their partner also has it, they are interested in sharing activities and building a common project.
- They understand that differences are natural and that does not mean that their self-esteem is threatened. What they do is strive to reach agreements in a democratic way.
- They know how to listen and , in turn, express their concerns and needs with respect and without manipulations.
What do these types of attachment tell us?
As one of the publications by Professor Georgina L. Barnes points out, attachment styles are largely associated with the psychological well-being that we can experience in sentimental interactions.
Furthermore, given that these behavioral trends are constituted from the response we receive from our caregivers when we are children, it seems revealing to stop at this analysis to understand more clearly our reactions.
Although it is the sure pattern that promotes greater emotional balance, the truth is that this does not always present clearly, and can sometimes be combined with brushstrokes of the other two types.
In the same way, knowing the characteristics of these relationship models opens the door for us to reflect on our attitudes and shuffle the possibility of introducing changes in them. Without ceasing to express what we identify and asking for support from the couple to advance hand in hand on this path.