If you wonder why your child refuses to release a specific toy, the answer is … he is learning to survive in the world on his own. It is very common for young children to suck their fingers, hold onto a bear, a stuffed animal, or constantly repeat a melody.
As parents, these situations catch our attention: sometimes they give us grace and others irritate us. However, these objects or phenomena are relevant in their emotional development.
THE REASON WHY YOUR CHILD IS HOLDING ON TO HIS TOY
Newborns require mom or someone to be around to survive to meet all their needs, both physical and emotional. At first, they do not have a mind that allows them to tolerate waiting, only from repeated loving and assertive experiences in satisfying their needs do they assimilate it.
Such repetition causes the baby to begin to generate within him the illusion that it will always be the same … but this does not last long. As the months go by, mom begins to frustrate – unconsciously, naturally and gradually – the little one, beginning the process of disappointment: now she does not immediately come to attend to him and the baby gradually learns to tolerate waiting for more. and displeasure knowing, from experience, that frustration is temporary and he has the ability to survive it.
This illusion-disappointment is necessary for the beginning of any relationship between the child and the outside world, but in the meantime, that pillow that does not leave, the little blanket that sucks or the stuffed animal without which it cannot fall asleep are part of the world alien to himself with whom he is learning to relate.
This first object symbolizes in a way his mother, who has stopped being 100 with him to help him survive. That is why while your mind accepts this disappointment, many times your favorite object becomes even more important.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS FAVORITE OBJECT
He chooses it, nobody can impose it on him, not even yourself.
Let him put it to the test: it is normal for him to get angry and try to break it or forget it, winnow it from great heights and even try to cut it, or crush it!
Observe how your little one feels safeguarded by this object: the pacifier makes the child feel satisfied in terms of food, perhaps the blanket meets his contact needs and the melody of a lullaby makes him feel safe and accompanied by the child. try to sleep in the dark.
Your child is aware of every change that his object undergoes: if you are going to wash or repair it, you must notify him so that he knows that he will not have it for a while.
Do not try to take it off: it is better that there is no mourning for this object, it must be gradually forgotten. Thus it overcomes this “transitional zone” in a satisfactory and functional way.
WHAT IF YOU DON’T HAVE A FAVORITE ITEM?
Perhaps by this time we already agree that the object and/or transitional phenomena go beyond the mere whim of children: they are so important that there will no longer be such an object in their lives; only thanks to them do they access to play, creativity, art, learning, spirituality and culture.
When for some reason the daily and free use of these objects or phenomena is complicated, emotional development is obstructed; There is an intolerance of separation, manifesting itself in addiction, a tendency to lies, the search for immediate satisfaction and difficulty in being alone.
It is important that you respect this object, take great care of it and give it the special place it deserves in your child’s mental development.
Does your child have an inseparable toy?