Feeling anxiety is a normal part of life when it happens occasionally. The medical portal Medline describes it as a feeling of fear, fear and restlessness that can help you concentrate, face a situation or give a boost of energy. However, when symptoms are disabling or very common and have been experienced nearly every day for at least 6 months We are going to talk about a disorder.
According to the latest CIS survey, since the start of the pandemic in Spain, 6.4% of the population has seen a mental health professional: 43.7% for anxiety. If you’ve ever wondered how you could help a friend, family member, or co-worker who’s overwhelmed by anxiety, here’s what the experts have to say.
Talk about what worries you
When we worry about the mental health of another person, it is usually because we have noticed changes that call our attention and put us on alert. Beyond Blue (Australian Mental Health and Wellbeing Support Organisation) offers some advice on what questions to ask of someone you are concerned about.
One of them is point out the things that have made us worry and ask about them. The Australian organization recommends some formula such as: “I’ve noticed that you don’t hang out with us much lately, is something going on?” or simply point out directly that we are concerned about them.
Respect what you hear (and what you don’t)
Talking about anxiety is almost never easy, so if someone doesn’t want to talk about it it is important that we respect it. And it is that listening to another person is not only paying attention to what they say, it is also accepting when they do not mean anything. In these cases, we can indicate that we are there for him or her if at any time they want to talk.
If you do want to tell us what’s going on with you, a good way to show we’re listening is to rephrasing the things you’ve told us. From Beyond Blue, for example, they recommend phrases such as: “From what you tell me, these last few weeks have been difficult: tell me more about it, if you want”, “How does this affect you?”, “Take your time, I know that it’s hard to talk about it” or “How is all this going for you?”.
Support without judging
The Columbia University Department of Psychiatry has published a guide on how to ask your friends about their state of mind. Questions as simple as: “How are you feeling?”, “Is there anything you want to talk about?”, “Can I do something?”, “What would you like to be different?” they may be enough to show support. Because, in general, it is better to ask than to affirm.
Regarding this point, the expert in psychology, nutrition, health and sports Iria Regueira adds that we can ask the person directly what they need from us: “Maybe he doesn’t need anything. Maybe he just wants you to be by his side in silence or to leave him alone for a while. Maybe he needs you to hug him while he cries or distract him. But ask that person directly.
The goal is to show the other person that you have our support and we will be there for what you need without judgments, unsolicited advice or magic solutions because, as the expert from vitonic, what works for you does not have to work for someone else and can make the situation worse: “we are not psychologists, we do not know the underlying mechanisms and causes and we tend to fall into very generic advice that can generate guilt. It is more valuable to listen and offer an ear to advise sometimes”.
Anxious people already know things like “they shouldn’t worry so much because there’s no reason,” but they can’t help it. So, instead of that, appreciate that he has opened up to you and let’s avoid, as Reguera reminds us, falling into the “it happened to me too and I did that” or “I had anxiety and I didn’t feel the way you say”… Because “each representation of anxiety is different and each one of us experiences it differently,” says the psychologist.
follow up
According to Dr. Sommer of the NIH’s National Institute of Mental Health, this is an important part of helping someone with anxiety. After you talk, check in daily or every other day with the person to see how they’re doing. Ask him if he has contacted a professional, and if he hasn’t already, encourage him to do so. You can suggest resources like names and phone numbers of a doctor, therapist or health clinic, whether the person is ready to seek professional help.
Breathing exercises
Overnight, a person with anxiety is not going to get better. Tell “calm down, nothing’s wrong” can be counterproductive and make him even more frustrated. Instead, you can perform breathing techniques together, which are quick and effective ways to relax the body.
To learn to control breathing there are several exercises. The simplest consists of inhale through the nose slowly counting to 5, hold your breath for another five seconds, and expel the air counting to five again. It is convenient to repeat the exercise for 10 minutes without moving the body.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself
Sometimes we are so focused on caring for (and saving) the person who has a mental health problem that we forget about ourselves and our own mental health, explains Iria Reguera. But sometimes limits are necessary. “Focus on what you can offer within limits and don’t put all their needs before your own”.
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