There are times when we get too obsessed with stay in relationships that go nowhere, carrying backpacks that do not correspond so as not to fail … and other times we see people stuck in something that does not make them happy because they have normalized that it has to be that way.
It is the opinion of Silvia Vidal, psychologist and founder of Querida Neurona, who argues that although hope is the last thing to be lostSometimes it is necessary to lose it and be realistic to know when to stop insisting and to move forward.
“Time stops us, and sometimes, we are the ones who have to stop to think if we are playing in the game that we really want to play, “says Vidal.
Nobody likes it let go of people that are in your life. We cling to believe that it will work or we endure due to our own shortcomings such as lack of love, attention, fear of loneliness or abandonment.
“Staying out of necessity is reason enough to let go, since it prevents you from taking control of your life,” explains Celia Betrián, psychologist. “We have to learn to let go. Letting go does not mean failing. It means self-love and new opportunities to keep moving forward, “he adds.
The expert is committed to not waiting for something serious to happen to close a cycle and guarantees that a reason such as “I want to start prioritizing myself” or “this is not what I want” It’s enough. In order to close the cycle, Betrián proposes a series of guidelines:
Analyze the situation and why to reach this decision
Write all reasons why you want to close the loop. It can help you freely express all that you feel about respect. Give yourself time to think about it until you are clear about the reason for that decision: analyze well the possible consequences or reactions of the decision. Ask yourself what is the worst that can happen and, if it happens, how would you react? In case regret appears, ask yourself what you should remind yourself about it.
Send a clear and concise message
Betrián proposes to launch a clear and concise message not only towards the other person, but also for you: “Believe it and be firm”. To do this, you can try to practice self-control and evaluate what your weak points may be. Also, this will help you anticipate and know what to do.
Avoid contact for a while
“Yes, I know what it costs the most,” the psychologist guarantees. “But Believe me, it is the most effective and what will help you the mostBelieve it or not now. “Not keeping in touch will also help you put aside the justifications or self-deception that occur between couples.
“Your mind always looks for coherence, with which, it will try to give you all the possible justifications so that you believe that it is still worth continuing, “says Betrián.
Normalize your feelings and validate them
It is normal to miss, feel sad, have doubts about whether we made the right decision, want to talk to that person again, think about the good times … We have to try normalize emotions. But remember, none of that means you should get back into the relationship (if it’s something you no longer want in your life).
In any case, it explains that it is difficult to close a cycle, but it is more painful to stay in a relationship for fear of facing everything that prevents us from leaving there.
In conclusion, the experts consulted agree that it is clear that it is hard to admit the harsh reality that perhaps the relationship is coming to an end … and emphasizes that it is important to stop insisting when nothing satisfies us anymore, we feel without energy, the reason for the “fight” already makes us happy, we have to force the circumstances, we feel far from ourselves or we even hurt ourselves.
Photos | ‘500 days together’