4 minutes
Perfectionism, although it is well seen at times, can be very harmful, especially in a relationship. How does it really affect and what can be done? Stopping being a perfectionist is not easy.
Being a perfectionist is a personality trait that is well seen in the world of work. It allows the results to be obtained to be much better and more polished. However, in a relationship this feature may not be as positive as in the workplace. Do you want to know how perfectionism affects a couple? Well keep reading…
Although perfectionism can be defined from a positive point of view, in reality, it also has a B side. Royal Spanish Academy (RAE) their definition is as follows: «tendency to improve a work indefinitely without deciding to consider it finished”. How can this affect a relationship?
The demands, the most serious problem for the relationship
Perfectionism causes not only a person to be demanding with himself, but with others. This means that he is going to demand as much from her partner as he demands from her. Self-behavior fixes work as a very simple example. The way of speaking, moving, gesturing… All this can be pointed out by the perfectionist person.
This can be tolerated at first, especially in love. But when the relationship progresses, the demands can end up exhausting the other person. It is very difficult to be with someone who is telling you at all times what you have to correct; actually it’s very tiring. The end of this situation is announced: separation.
Control can affect one’s own sexuality
Another consequence of the presence of perfectionism in all areas within the couple’s relationship is that control can become evident that affects one’s own sexuality. This means that sexual relations will not flow as they used to (if this ever happened), and that everything will end up cooling.
The demands regarding certain positions, the resistance of the couple, or the establishment of specific times and days to have sexual relations without allowing spontaneous encounters are circumstances that can end up wearing down the relationship. What’s more, these demands and schedules do not allow negotiation, which ends up affecting communication.
Pointing out flaws is very harmful
It is convenient to treat this great problem that perfectionism has within a couple relationship, since constantly pointing out the other person’s defects can end up damaging their self-esteem. It is true that someone who is a perfectionist knows how to observe the positive traits of the person they love, but prefers to focus on the negative ones..
This, irremediably, will end the relationship in a very short time. It is totally impossible to be with someone who does not really show admiration for you, who wants to control everything, who demands you and points out your flaws. No one can take too long in these kinds of circumstances. For this reason, relationships with perfectionists don’t usually last.
Expectations are never met
Perfectionism also affects the couple relationship due to high expectations. Are they become so tall that it is impossible for the other person to keep up. In fact, many of those expectations are irrational and therefore impossible to meet. This, again, damages the couple’s relationship and can transform it into a toxic relationship.
It is essential that someone who tends to be a perfectionist start a job to get out of this situation. Your relationship with your partner will only get worse if the situation is not resolved. Also, the other person can’t do anything. The pain that she can feel for thinking that she does everything wrong and that she is not up to the task, really, it is not fair. Therefore, the change must begin.
The psychological consultation, the beginning of change
Being a perfectionist can make any love relationship end in a short period of time. However, you can also do a lot of damage to the other person by causing her self-esteem to drop and start to doubt herself. This is not a positive thing and it should be worked on as soon as possible. For this, you will need the help of a professional.
Reduce perfectionism with cognitive behavioral therapy And taking small steps to begin to be a little more flexible is a difficult thing for someone who demands a lot of himself. However, it is not impossible to get out of this situation.
Of course, it takes willpower, the desire to change and to be able to maintain much healthier relationships. Perfectionism doesn’t do a relationship any good; on the contrary, it ends up wearing her down until the only outcome is the breakup.
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