From newborn we experience our first fears; These come from anguish, which is one of the main sources of emotional distress because it means the threat of something against our integrity. Babies and children do not yet have the necessary resources to face their fears, they are just acquiring them; in fact, they are made of them thanks to their parents. Therefore, it is important that you know these first fears that your child will experience from birth.
FROM THE FIRST DAYS OF BIRTH
FEAR OF NOT SURVIVING
The body of a newborn is very fragile, his immune system is not well developed; is vulnerable and dependent. He knows it, not on a cognitive level, but on a sensory level. Therefore, he experiences anguish; He does not know if he will be safe or not, if he will survive. But this is something that you will hardly discover from the hands of mom and dad.
Paty Osuna explains that babies perceive discomfort in general, the problem is that they still cannot explain it, much less express it. “The baby is born and what he feels outside the womb is cold, too much light, many sounds; Fortunately, the immaturity of his nervous system allows him to fall asleep soon, he is out of circulation, but in any case, the stimuli he feels are very intense for him due to his smallness; when he feels hungry, he only feels something very intense in his body that he does not understand, what he feels is fear of not surviving because his needs are not met; it is an anguish that by itself cannot solve ”.
Right here is when the role of the mother, or the caretaker, comes in. That is, this dependence on the child leads him to demand what he needs and the work of his caregivers is to satisfy him. In this sense, when his caregivers (mother, father, grandparents, nanny) respond to his basic needs, he develops confidence that everything will be all right, hope. He learns to overcome this first fear because little by little, he realizes that he will survive, because his basic needs are being met. There is no risk.
Your help to overcome this fear
- Tune in to your baby. Respond empathetically to him, put yourself in his shoes to intuit what he needs: to be tucked in, changed diaper, food, sleep, be in his arms …
- Give him affection. The nervous system makes us experience pleasure at physical contact; Your baby needs it the most because it is in a sensory stage. The more pleasure you feel, the more confident you will feel.
BETWEEN THE FIRST AND SECOND YEAR OF LIFE
FEAR OF LOSING MOM OR DAD
At this age, the baby learns that there is an other who takes care of him and who he can trust because he meets his needs, so he begins to create a very important bond with that person and the anguish of losing him is born. It is vital for the baby to know that this will not happen.
Babies don’t have the neurological notion that if someone disappears from their sight, they still exist; therefore, when he stops seeing the subject it is as if he disappeared, he lost it. Only, as the presence is confirmed, does he recognize that this mother or father or grandfather, even if he leaves his visual field, continues with him; Then he is convinced that he can trust.
In addition, its visual field begins to change by simple maturation; But this process can be affected in the psychological field when there is a very important loss in this stage of life, poorly worked. Which means that even though your brain has the ability to understand it, it will develop fear of abandonment.
Your help to overcome this fear
- Avoid dropouts, make sure your caregiver is the same during this stage, at least. Changing babysitters frequently, or taking him for a few days with his paternal grandparents and others with his maternal ones, then with his sister-in-law and immediately with his sister, does not offer him constancy or security. Your little one needs ties and is now forming a special one with his caregiver.
FEAR OF NOT BEING LOVED
Between three and five years of age, children are living the full stage of discipline, learning habits, potty training… This makes them feel eager for approval, causing them the anguish of not being accepted and fear to be rejected; may your constant caregiver stop loving you. “It is a time when children feel very guilty easily.
For this reason, the message they should receive from their parents, grandparents and any other close person is that they love him even if he is very naughty, or has broken an object. He needs to be clear that this does not condition his love and feel confident in the love that people feel for him: ‘whatever happens, you are still my son and I will continue to love you.’ ”
Your help to overcome this fear
- Talk about feelings. Many adults do not know how to recognize what they feel because they could not speak about what they felt as children; They know that they feel distressed but they cannot understand the reason, it is because they cannot put it into words. Try to talk to your little one about what he feels, especially when he experiences a stressful episode, such as entering school.
The undesirable
- When a person does not trust that they love him, he develops escape mechanisms so as not to experience rejection: he has severe problems in establishing long-lasting relationships or friends; emotional closeness is difficult for her because she is convinced that no one will tolerate or accept her darkness