Last month he was a sociable boy and all of a sudden now he cries if you leave him with someone else and is suspicious even of his uncles. Will it be a matter of character or one more phase of growth?
Children start to fear strangers when they can identify differences when they learn to compare what they know and what they don’t. And given this, what can we do? Well, in reality, little thing: be attentive and respect your wishes. This occurs from seven to nine months. It is a phase that most children experience, and not only that: it is good that it happens. Silvia Yankelevich confirms this: “Children must be allowed to fear the unknown because, at the end of the day, their own individuality and their ability to make choices are at stake.”
In addition, it should not be forgotten that adults do not like all people either. But unlike children, we have adequate defense mechanisms and we can rationalize, explain to ourselves a determined rejection. Another thing: it is a mistake to believe that a child who is fearful before strangers or who suddenly rejects some familiar figure (it may even be his father) is going through a “bad stage” because he is not. That fear and rejection of people outside his mom represent an advance in his maturity.
WHAT TO DO?
– Stay with the little one when new people appear. It is normal for children to be more fearful of strangers when their parents are not around.
Greet people who approach you in a friendly way with smiles and a positive tone of voice.
– Give it time when you are in a new environment and with different people; don’t try to push him to play or be sociable because that is “the right thing”. Respect their times.
Take to the new surroundings (nursery school, grandparents’ house …) a house toy, something that is familiar and makes you feel accompanied.
– Suggest that people you do not know approach gently and gently, without touching or holding the child at the first change.
– Pay attention to and respond to your child’s reactions. If he cries or feels uncomfortable with someone new, you should reassure him, comfort him, and try to approach at a more opportune time.
– Never go on the sly or without saying goodbye when you leave it with someone else. Although it seems the simplest and you think that this way you will avoid crying or tantrums, your little one may feel confused and even betrayed when he realizes your absence. It is better to say goodbye and assure him that he will be fine and that there will be a reunion in a period of time.
– Prepare it a moment before if you are going to meet a new babysitter or if the one you already know will stay with him for a while. The enthusiasm and security with which parents transmit this type of information is more important than we usually believe.
– Promise him to do something he likes when you return, like reading a book together, playing games, preparing a recipe…