This is why your baby cries every time you leave
Today we know that babies (and also adults) have a need for human contact, for an emotional bond, which is independent of the need to eat and just as strong. Why is there this demand? By survival instinct; that is, asking for food, like looking for his mother, are not the result of reasoning, but rather behaviors triggered by a specific cause: feeling an empty stomach or noticing that Mom is not next to him.
Instinct about reason
You have the same behavior and the same instinct: for nothing in the world would you abandon your son. If you didn’t have a house, furniture or clothes, if you lived in the jungle with your son, it would never occur to you to leave him on the ground, go find food or walk around and pick him up again after a few hours. But, of course, now life is very different. Your child is warm, protected … you go shopping, to work or to the movies and you know when you will return, who will take care of him and who will be safe.
The problem is that your little one doesn’t know it yet. When you know it, at the age of three or four, you can also, using reason, overcome your instincts. When a four-year-old boy goes to school or sees his mother go to work, he says goodbye with a kiss and is very calm (although, yes, he would rather not separate).
Emotional survival
It is what psychologists call “Attachment Theory.” In essence, he points out that each infant has a primary figure with whom he creates a special relationship. When he separates from her (who is almost always a mother), the boy does what it takes (cry, call, run away behind …) to meet her again. With the months and years, the affective bond is extended and, together with the primary figure, other attachments appear: dad, grandparents, family, friends, teachers, neighbors …
But do not be fooled by those who say that the baby should go to the nursery to “socialize” and “relate to other children” or that you should stay with him all the time. It is true that children who have a satisfactory relationship with their mother will have confidence in themselves, they will know that they are important people and that they deserve respect; on the other hand, those who have had an insufficient relationship with their mother, those who have been abandoned or mistreated, become insecure and dependent beings who have bad relationships with others.
This does not imply that you should be with him every minute of the day: you can go to work or do your activities; Actually, what your baby requires to overcome the normal fear of separation is to feel satisfied his need for security during his first three years of age (which is when the attachment is created) and this you can do very well with the advice that we give you.
WHY DOES IT COST YOU SO MUCH TO BE WITHOUT YOUR MOM?
The baby feels bad when hungry and feels good when eating. As it is Mom who breastfeeds her (and also the bottle almost always), she ends up associating her with the well-being of satiety. Thus, from food – a real need – comes being in your arms, which is a huge plus.