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5 minutes
Low self-esteem is among the causes of failure and self-sabotage. Let’s see how these two concepts are associated.
Failure and self-sabotage are closely related. To start, let’s look at a simple example; Maria had been preparing for a 15-kilometer marathon for months. She trained and had a healthy diet, although she believed that she was not capable of exceeding 10 kilometers.
The day of the race arrived and what Maria had decided and defined for herself happened just like that. At 10 kilometers, she felt a strain on her knee and had to withdraw from the race. Prediction or coincidence? Do not. Failure and self-sabotage, two friends that go hand in hand. Let’s see how they act and what it’s all about.
Failure and self-sabotage are related in a circular and vicious way; one feeds the other. Thus, since I believe that I am worthless and useless, I condemn myself to failure, and vice versa. This constant feedback is what gets in the way of achieving goals.
In the same way, both function as a lens through which we look at ourselves and that points us in a single direction; one that confirms the negative and reduced vision we have of ourselves and that prevents us from rescuing other attributes.
This internal dialogue is so damaging and detracting that, in many cases, it leads to self-destructive behavior. On the other hand, self-sabotage also comes in the form of denial and non-recognition. That is, we cover ourselves under the idea of ”I don’t need it, I don’t want it, I’m not interested, it’s not the time.”
What are the causes of self-sabotage?
Undoubtedly, there are multiple reasons that explain this behavior. However, have low self-esteem, hyper-demand and low tolerance for frustration are some of the main causes that are at the root of self-sabotage. Other additional causes may be the following:
- You are so afraid of failure that you prefer to fail in advance and, therefore, you stop trying. This seems to be a defense mechanism, it becomes your double-edged sword.
- You feel guilty about success and that things go well for you, that you need to fail at something.
- Fear of change and making you responsible for what is to come.
How to realize that you act from failure and self-sabotage?
These are some of the signs that may indicate that you are behaving like your own enemy:
- You leave everything to the last minute in such a way that you cannot meet deadlines, obligations or wishes.
- Despite the fact that people praise you for certain skills, you are unable to believe it and end up thinking that they are telling you out of commitment or because they love you.
- You have a very vision perfectionist how things should beso it always seems to you that it is not enough and that you do not measure up.
- You always imagine yourself in situations where you are not victorious, but losing or being the laughing stock.
- You postpone decision makingYou make excuses not to do it.
How to deal with failure and self-sabotage?
Some of the recommendations to start putting an end to failure and self-sabotage are the following:
- stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone has skills for different things. Rather than look like others, it is better that you have your own style and know what your strengths are. Embrace them and try to empower them. Of course, you should also work on those weak points that give you insecurity, but without focusing on them all the time.
- Identify what labels you tell yourself about yourself and question them. “I’m shy and I can’t relate to anyone”. Are you sure? Think about the times you talked to a neighbor in the elevator or with the unknown driver of a taxi. Many times, these labels are imposed by others, you listen to them and take hold of them without being entirely true.
- Recognize what those negative thoughts are that unleash the subsequent cascade of self-boycott and learn to stop them. It can be through some activity or by bringing to mind some positive memory.
- Learn to imagine a better version of yourself, visualizing yourself in situations where you see yourself triumphant, happy, achieving your goals. You can also ask someone you trust for an opinion about yourself, acting in a certain circumstance. This way you can get a different perspective, more nuanced and less pessimistic, which opens you to many ways of seeing things.
- Stop idealizing the goal and value the process more. If you only have a success mindset and focus on achieving a goal, if you fail to do so, you are left with failure and frustration. However, you miss out on learning from the path and recognizing everything you gave and did.
- Identify what the excuses are of which you reach frequently to stop using them.
Luck finds the one who is prepared
Of course, although this is a very important part, success does not come from just thinking successful. It’s also about work on self-knowledge and to identify those aspects in which you shine and those that require an additional effort because they cost you a lot.
In addition, those things that are important to you require commitment and preparation, Don’t leave them to chance. In this way, you can work on security and self-confidence to reduce the chances of making mistakes in what is under your control.
Success is just as likely as failure, so stop dwelling on just one side of the coin.
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