We have all felt this way at some time, and in that sense, Chlipala points out that it is important to recognize cognitive distortions. The problem is that people often do not realize that their thinking is unhealthy. The list of cognitive distortions below is a good starting point to become more aware of it:
All or nothing: It is polarizing everything to the point that, if, for example, a friend went to the cinema at the last minute, you mislead yourself thinking that surely they already had it planned and did not want to invite you. If you have this type of bias, you may think in very absolute words, such as “always” or “never.”
Catastrophize: This is when you make a drama out of anything. So, you think that a friend hates you because you forgot his birthday or because he said “hello” instead of “what’s up”.
Personalize: This bias is very important when you think that everyone hates you, because it is when you take everything personally. Like when someone says they were going to call you on the phone and they don’t, and you swear it’s because they hate you when they actually had a situation that had nothing to do with you.
Mental filters: When we let the good things go and focus on the bad. It is the biases that make, for example, that we see our ex-partners as tyrant monsters, instead of ordinary people who make mistakes but who also have virtues.
And how do I get rid of those thoughts?
The first thing is to learn to recognize them and think about the factors that contribute to this line of thinking. Here, Chilpala says that we must become our own devil’s advocates and challenge ourselves to find explanations and even ask for feedback from our close people. Or, face the person who is making us feel bad. Obviously you’re not going to ask him if he hates you, but you can ask him something like: “I’ve noticed that if I don’t look for you, you don’t talk to me anymore. Something happens? I want to make sure I haven’t made you angry or hurt you in any way. “
It is important to learn to detect these thoughts before they become a common mental pattern, and to remember that many times people do not even notice the details
These feelings are also a sign that you should focus on whether you are projecting onto your friends the external world internal problems that you are dragging. For example, if you think this every time you fight with your partner, be sure to notice it and refocus your thinking in healthy ways. That’s when you should consider adopting mindfulness and relaxation techniques, and, of course, therapy if you feel like you need help from someone else.