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6 minutes
The arrival of the first child supposes a transformation of life as a couple that can lead to a breakup. However, it is possible to face this crisis by applying some guidelines and advice that we show you below.
It doesn’t happen in all cases, but there is a large percentage of couples who experience a strong crisis when becoming parents for the first time. Sometimes, this is lived in the form of constant discussions and, in other cases, it leads to a great emotional distance. Therefore, if you are going through this situation, we will tell you more about the couple’s crisis after the first child.
For many of these couples, recovering from the crisis is complicated, takes years and entails great suffering. Others simply cannot adapt to change and end up separating permanently. However, this does not have to be like this. By understanding the life stage you are going through and making some adjustments, it is even possible to come out of parenthood stronger as a couple.
Causes of the marital crisis after the first child
It is no coincidence that so many relationships are faltering precisely at this moment; actually, having a child brings great and profound transformations that you don’t always know how to manage.
From the moment of birth, priorities, schedules and routines change. They are no longer two, but three, and the baby becomes the center of everyday life. For the same, couple time decreases drastically; There are hardly any moments alone in which to enjoy, have fun, share or simply talk about something that is not the boy or the girl. Both emotional and sexual intimacy are reduced and the couple may suffer.
On the other hand, both experience intense emotions on an individual level that, if not shared, can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and resentments. The mother may feel lonely and overwhelmed in her role in dealing with the great responsibility of caring for her little one while going through strong emotional and bodily changes.
The father, for his part, may feel isolated and displaced, and not find himself in his new role. Her wife now focuses all her attention on the baby, passing the couple to the background; but, in addition, she may feel that this close mother-child relationship prevents her from being involved with the child as much as she would like.
to all these factors is added a significant deprivation of sleep. During the first months of a child’s life, parents (especially the mother) experience insufficient and fragmented sleep, which can profoundly affect their mood. Physical and mental exhaustion, irritability and feeling overwhelmed can lead to a deterioration of the romantic bond.
How to face the couple crisis after the first child?
Here are some guidelines that can help you cope with this complex moment and prevent the relationship from deteriorating. Grab a pen and paper and take notes.
Prevent
As far as possible, it is important to prevent the crisis from occurring and for this it is very positive discuss some basic points before the baby arrives. Don’t hide behind the “it won’t happen to us” and better talk with your partner about what can happen, how you can both feel and how you could manage it if necessary.
Being prepared for emotional changes is essential. In this way, you will not be caught by surprise and you will be able to interpret them properly and make good decisions. If you do not expect them, it is possible that you magnify the situations and do not react in the best way.
Express yourself clearly and open up emotionally
Communication is now more necessary than ever. This has to be regular, fluid and honest. No matter how busy you are it is essential that you find a moment each day to share with your partner how you are feeling.
If there is stress, fear, anguish, sadness or resentment, putting it on the table is the best option. Sometimes it’s embarrassing to have these feelings at a time as seemingly idyllic as the beginning of parenthood, but we must do an exercise of courage and vulnerability and express it.
In this way, the other person will be able to better understand your reactions, offer you their support and make changes. In fact, Don’t be afraid to make requests; If you want your partner to be more cooperative with the baby or more affectionate with you, express that need before the lack you feel turns into resentment.
Be empathic and tolerant
Just as you are facing great challenges and undergoing important transformations, your partner is too and you should not lose sight of this. Try not to focus only on yourself and try to understand the challenges that the other is facing, be tolerant of their actions and reactions, and don’t take it personally. Listen, validate and support your partner.
Teamwork
Now you are parents, but you are still a couple and you form the same team. Stress can lead to perceiving the other as an enemy because they do not meet your expectations, but you have to remember that you are allies. Avoid getting into power struggles and reproaches, and opt for cooperation and negotiation.
Pick your partner up when they’re down and ask for support when you need it. Talk openly about the organization of tasks and reach clear agreements. This will prevent one from overloading with responsibilities and opening an emotional gap between the two.
Ask for help
Raising a baby is a complex and exhausting task, and you don’t have to do it alone. It is lawful to ask for help, not only from the partner, but also from relatives or close friends. Have this external support It will allow you to find moments to relax in solitude and others to take care of the bond that unites you.
Some fathers and mothers feel selfish for delegating or for leaving the child in the care of other people for a few hours; however, this can be an excellent decision. What a child needs most is that their parents are well individually and as a couplebecause only in this way can they offer you the best care.
The couple crisis after the first child will not last forever
Above all, it is essential to remember that this is only a stage of transition And it won’t last forever. In a few months, the baby’s sleeping habits will become regular and you can rest better. You will adapt to new routines and find a way to function as a family.
As the little one grows, you can enjoy moments as a couple again and these conflicts that now seem insurmountable will be diluted. Keep in mind that facing so many physical, emotional and social changes abruptly is not easy for anyone; For this, be patient and empathetic and remember the love that unites you.
If the situation causes great discomfort and it is not possible to reach agreements and solutions, it is important to seek professional help. Couples therapy can be very useful right now to learn to communicate, organize and work together. For this, do not hesitate to seek support.
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