Even if they are no longer together, your son brings them together in a team. Therefore, they need to carry out their work in harmony; teaming up for your child. We share with you some keys that will help you resolve the conflicts of how to educate your child.
Being parents now that they are no longer a couple
Quitting acting as a couple is complicated because after a while they’ve gotten used to each other. Now it is up to them to understand that the other is only part of a work team. In this process, introspection helps a lot, taking the time to experience the grief of the relationship as well; therefore, you need to be patient with yourself, as well as very aware of your actions and thoughts because you may fall into a feeling that you have the right to ask of the other something that is no longer your obligation.
THESE TIPS CAN HELP YOU:
• The limit of your requests appears when the child does not affect you, but yourself. If someone introduces the child to five couples in two months, there is a limit to set and a topic to talk about; If not, one might wonder if it might be a hidden intention to hamper the ex’s new relationship.
• If one or both of you realize that you are not having the capacity to negotiate, agree, reflect, follow your life, ask a professional to help you receive guidance in this crisis; This therapeutic process will be individual. It is necessary that they be sincere with themselves because forming this team in favor of the well-being of the child deserves that each one have a hundred all your capacity for decision, assertiveness, empathy and conscience so that it is a good element.
• It is valid to say “we better not see each other again” or take time and space to assimilate that the other is no longer the couple. Although it is one thing not to want to see it and another is to cut off communication, this is not possible because there will always be many agreements to be made.
• As in any team, they need to maintain deep communication, within which the most important thing is not to fear conflict. Communication is not informing, it implies an exchange of opinions, criteria, expectations… therefore, it requires empathy, respect, tolerance, negotiation.
This can be distressing for both of you because precisely your lack could have triggered the separation. Furthermore, you come from the conflict and it is something that you no longer want. However, it is a natural part of human interaction; they will continue living it, so they must learn to solve it: negotiate to reach agreements, as well as yield to agree.
It is contradictory, but achieving it will help them carry out this project called son. We tell you the keys to know how to resolve conflicts:
1.Exercise the transmission capacity.
Many times we ask for things in inappropriate ways, without realizing that our intonation, gaze or posture transmits an alternative message to that of words; even the moment we express ourselves influences what the other interprets.
Therefore, in communication it matters a lot that we stop to think about how and when we say things; not the same “I need you to bring me the child right now!” that “I ask you to please arrive at five so that the child and I can prepare for school tomorrow.”
2. Know how to yield.
In agreements you cannot win everything, nor should you lose everything; you have to negotiate under the idea that you are not going to leave with everything you expected, not without anything; you win and you lose. When we start a power struggle, what happens is that whoever wants to win everything has already lost it in advance.
Your son is the most important mission that you undertook together and that will continue throughout your life and that of your little one; both will always be his parents and he will be his son, nothing can undo this.