Trusting your own inner resources when you start to doubt what you are capable of achieving is one of the greatest strengths you can build from your personal development.
When life changes are made or problems arise for which we seem to have no answers, things are often not easy. The path to transformation often involves difficult times as well as challenging emotions.
How do you know when anxiety or fear is just a red flag, and not a sign that something is seriously wrong? How to trust your instincts when the logical part of your brain tells you that something is probably not going to work? And how do you find the courage to continue on the path to what you want, even when everything in you is screaming to turn back?
Many years ago, in one of my training sessions as a coaching professional, I heard a phrase that said “You are not given anything you cannot handle” at the level of experience. This means that no matter how limiting a situation may seem, if you know how to see it, there is always some aspect of learning.
We only open ourselves to the awareness of learning and moving forward when we trust ourselves again. To achieve this, here are these five strategies that can help you when things get difficult:
1 – Develop your self-awareness
Self-awareness is the knowledge and reason of one’s own emotions, behaviors, thoughts and beliefs, as well as the ability to recognize and understand one’s own strengths and limitations.
It is an essential part of emotional intelligence. If you want to learn to trust yourself, being aware of what’s going on inside you is a good start, because it means you understand how your emotions influence your thoughts and behavior, so you can make decisions based on what you want, and not just what you feel.
This is a great internal self-regulation skill, because by knowing and identifying what you feel, you are in a better position to determine a course of action that can help you in that moment.
Another way to look at it is this: If you don’t know what’s in your kitchen waste bin, how can you know it’s not full of holes? The only way to know if it’s full of holes is to look inside.
To increase self-awareness, you can keep a diary with your emotions and feelings, practice meditation or mindfulness, talk to trusted people, coach or mentor professionals, and even find spaces for reflection in nature.
As it is a process, you will also learn to be patient, since the evolution may take some time, although its result will be highly gratifying for you.
2 – Find your trusted source
Many people seek to assert who they are and how they feel on the outside, for example by being superficial, displaying a false life on social media, and pretending to be status. But that is a mirage and hardly a reflection of what is called public identity, which is what you let others see.
The question is: How well do you know your private identity? With it you live your whole life inside you. To acquire more confidence in your inner resources, it is essential to know and deepen this identity, which connects with the essence of who you are.
We all have an aspect of confidence that, either we acquired through education from childhood and it was positively stimulated, or we had to build it by force through overcoming the painful events of life. In any case, there are reference points of moments of greater or lesser confidence within you.
A technique to go to that source of inner confidence is that you navigate in your mind as if you were taking a trip to the past, and arrive at each of those moments where you felt inner strength, motivation, enthusiasm and the conviction that you have the tools to overcome challenges.
I suggest that you relive those pleasant emotions, the sounds, the aromas, the colors, the textures and how you were at that moment. You can make an anchor of that moment in a physical way (for example, touching now, in the present, some part of your body) and associate that touch with those emotions of trust.
3 – Be flexible and leave room for error
When you trust yourself, you learn to accept mistakes and not take things too seriously. You let go of the need to aspire to perfection, because it does not exist on this physical plane; yes you can be a person with excellence.
Remember: it’s natural to feel anxious or have times when you completely doubt yourself. We all experience these feelings at times. What matters is what you choose to do in these situations.
For example, if you doubt your abilities and think that you do not have the internal resources to face something complex, instead of saying “I have to do it perfectly” you can say “I will do my best, and I will learn from any mistake to improve next time”. ”.
As the language with which we think and communicate is not innocent, you will be creating reality according to the story you tell yourself. Telling yourself stories where you learn, even if there are failures, will help relieve unnecessary pressure and put things in a more meaningful perspective.
4 – Trust your instincts and pay attention to warning signs
Instinct is built by patterns of information deeply embedded in the mind. They help you navigate your life and make decisions based on what has worked for you in the past.
Think of your instinct as a computer program that runs in the background and runs smoothly until something triggers it and causes it to pop up and grab your attention.
When you are making changes or transformations in your life and making decisions, powerful emotions and thoughts are likely to arise that will affect your instincts.
That’s why it’s important to pay attention to red flags that indicate things are getting too intense and you need to slow down, or adjust course.
At that moment stop, breathe, take perspective of the situations, do probability analysis, create a plan A, B, C and D about the situation, and you will see how in a short time you will be restoring confidence in your skills and abilities.
5 – Take action moving forward, even when you’re not 100% sure
Nobody can be 100% sure that something is going to work the way they want it to. Faced with this, it is best to start acting. Even the simplest actions can help you clarify what you want and what is important to you.
For example, if you’re not sure where to focus your time and energy, try scheduling time for different activities and see what happens. If you’re not sure what kind of job would be best for you, try talking to different people from different industries and see what inspires you.
As you can see, in the face of a lack of confidence in yourself, a good antidote is action as a way to move forward, get out of stagnation and, at the same time, encourage yourself to get to know yourself better. Getting going, moving physically instead of ruminating and thinking, and making decisions no matter how small, will help to recompose that feeling of lack of confidence that worried you.
daniel colombo Facilitator and Master Executive Coach specialized in senior management, professionals and teams; mentor and professional communicator; international speaker; author of 31 books. LinkedIn Top Voice Latin America. ICF certified; Certified Coach and Member of John Maxwell Team.