6 minutes
The lack of empathy is present in all people to some extent. However, for some it is a constant trait and one that leads to difficulties with others.
Lack of empathy is more than a character trait. It is a characteristic that can prevent a healthy coexistence. Frequently, it gives rise to conflicts originating from the lack of consideration and respect for the other.
The problem is that a lack of empathy is not always easily detected. Many times it only manifests itself when there is close contact or difficult situations arise.
Such a person is locked into his own point of view. He is not interested in the effects of his behavior on others.. Nor does he mind establishing genuine and valuable links with others. How to detect this trait?
Empathy and lack of empathy
In general terms, empathy is the ability to put yourself in another’s shoes. This is understanding the thoughts and feelings of others, as well as how they affect the behaviors of those who come into contact with them, including one’s own.
This ability is essential to have healthy and deep relationships with others. The lack of empathy prevents seeking mutual well-being, since it implies an inability to give value to others. If such disability is slight, it creates problems. If it is very severe, it makes the link dangerous.
Lack of empathy often stems from experiences of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse during childhood. Sometimes it is also caused by problems in neurological development.
The signs that reveal the lack of empathy
Lack of empathy can manifest itself on various levels. Cognitively, it implies not being able to understand how the other feels.
On the emotional plane, it supposes the inability to feel what the other experiences. A person may lack one or both modalities of empathy.
1. Live in your own reality
People with a lack of empathy are not necessarily introverts, but they do focus too much on their own world. They only care about what happens to them and have a tendency to dismiss anything that doesn’t involve them. They fail to see beyond the border of their own self.
2. Shows indifference to others
Those who lack empathy do not genuinely care about anyone but themselves.. They are often cordial, but nothing that happens to others has an impact on them. They fail to be moved, sympathize or rejoice in the experiences of others.
3. Establish superficial or destructive relationships
someone with a lack of empathy finds it very difficult or impossible to build a deep relationship. They may have friends, family and a partner, but they look in all of them for what can be useful to them.
They cannot get intimate with anyone, since they are not interested in opening up. Nor do they pretend to be in tune with someone emotionally or socially.
4. Narcissism
The less empathy, the more narcissism. Contrary to what many think, this is not an excessive self-love, but a false substitute for true self-esteem.
The truth is that this trait leads them to take into account only their own needs and desires. If this involves stepping over others, they don’t care.
5. Inadequate communication
The usual thing is that a person with this deficiency cannot communicate well with others. They usually lack touchsince they do not care what the other thinks or feels.
They can be very harsh with their words or be impertinent, making jokes at critical moments or resisting the collective joy.
6. Attaches to stereotypes and prejudices
As people with a lack of empathy fail to form a mental and emotional map of others, it’s not uncommon for them to end up classifying everyone in function of stereotypes and prejudices. Labels and stigmas help you mark differences between one person and another in a superficial way.
7. Utilitarian behavior
For a person without empathy, others are a means and not an end. His interest in the other is always based on the usefulness that he can render to him to achieve some of his purposes or satisfy some of his desires.
8. aggressiveness
These types of people usually react aggressively when things don’t go or aren’t done the way they want. In the most severe cases they can be violent to achieve their goals. They feel that reality should work as they like or suit them.
9. Absence of remorse
Those who lack empathy experience no or minimal remorse. They do not believe that having hurt another is so important as to suffer discomfort. They justify the damage they do and are convinced that it was even positive to do so.
10. Difficulty resolving conflicts
To resolve conflicts, it is essential to understand the points of view and the subjectivities of the parties that are in disagreement. Those who lack empathy fail to do this. Therefore, are ineffective in dealing with problems and rather tend to be the source of them.
How to deal with a lack of empathy
It is not easy to have a bond with a person who lacks empathy. Although contradictory, the smartest thing is to try to understand it and not expect the attitude to reciprocate. However, it should be kept in mind that understanding is not justifying.
It is very common for someone with a lack of empathy to have a history of deficiencies and abuses that have prevented them from developing their emotional resources. Their indifference or misunderstanding are the result of that inability. It is also possible that sadness or anger has blocked your emotions.
Lack of empathy is not a decision someone makes, but the consequence of their own difficulties. Even so, it is necessary to set limits.
It is very important to be assertive and let them know clearly how we feel. As strange as it sounds, being empathetic towards someone who is not an empath is something that could help them change.
When to seek professional help?
Lack of empathy can exist to varying degrees. In fact, no one is empathetic at all times in their life or in all situations. Only when it is a constant trait and causes conflicts, or gives rise to difficult situations, should it be taken seriously.
The best thing to do is for a person with a lack of empathy to receive psychological help. The roots of this condition are usually deep and a process is required to get to the bottom of everything.
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