Have you ever said to your son an adjective like… Handsome! Disobedient! Intelligent! Slow! Weeping!? Labels are not good, here we tell you why.
You might be wondering: why labels? Because the brain simplifies and categorizes everything to give meaning to what surrounds you. But keep in mind that your child will behave according to the labels you put on him because you are his reference. How dad and mom shape, to a large extent, your child’s personality: everything you tell him about himself, he thinks of as the absolute truth because you are his first source of knowledge in every aspect.
For this reason, if you describe your son as “clumsy”, “disobedient”, “answered”, “bad” … he will act in certain situations with that behavior, because “dad and mom have told him that it is so”. What dad or mom say (how, with what voice, words and gestures) exerts an example on your child that can persist into adulthood.
It is simple: if the child thinks it is a disaster (selfish, distracted, aggressive, capricious or disobedient), it will be difficult for him to behave in another way. Why? Because this is how he has learned what it is (according to you). Labeling makes your child grow insecure and unable to recognize his own emotions and himself.
Common tags
The “disobedient” child is frustrated because his behavior is constantly called to attention and he often receives punishment, yelling and repression. If you emphasize his behavior, you will only reinforce in him the idea that this is the case and that he does not know or can be otherwise. To improve coexistence, ask why he does not obey the first one. Like Dad, tell him things more constructively.
Are there positive labels?
Labels in “positive” are also not always good. Positive stimulation, which is very necessary for personal development and goal achievement, is one thing, and another is to create in the child the idea that “he is better than the others”. It is important that your child understands its attributes as natural; Help him to assume sympathy, kindness or generosity to be kind to siblings or friends. Instead of tagging, better:
- Give it more opportunities
- Pay more attention to it
- Stimulate your intelligence
- Help him increase his positive responses.
What can you do
- Do not make evaluations about him, but about behaviors or actions.
- Recognize what you do well to build your self-confidence.
- Explain to him the behavior you would like him to change and how you can do it.
- Avoid repeating what you do incorrectly.
- Avoid the words “always” and “never.”
- Listen to it, respect it and trust its capacity for change.
- Don’t throw in the towel: your child will do it.
- Avoid these phrases: “How rude”, “You are very crying”, “How slow”, “You are no longer a baby”, “You are a disaster”, “You do what you want”, “You never obey the first time “