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6 minutes
If you feel lonely, empty, disoriented and aimless, you may be going through an identity crisis. We tell you why it happens and what you can do to improve your situation.
If they ask you who you are, you probably answer something like “I’m María, I’m 35 years old and I’m a lawyer”. Nevertheless, identity goes far beyond; it is forged on the basis of the roles you play, the people who accompany you, the environments you inhabit, your values and activities. When you experience doubts about the above, or are forced to rethink them, you may have an identity crisis.
This crisis is not, in reality, any disorder or pathology, but a natural phase that every human being goes through at some point. However, it usually generates intense and negative emotions; and, if you do not know how to deal with it, it can cause you great discomfort and harm. For this, we will tell you what it is and what you can do about it.
What does an identity crisis feel like?
It is common for you to find it difficult to identify that you are suffering from an identity crisis. Frequently, you know you feel bad, but you don’t understand the origin of this suffering or how to get out of it. Thus, these are the signs that may indicate that you are going through this process:
- you feel alone and lostdisoriented, confused and aimless.
- You experience a great emptiness and you tend to ask yourself existential questions. “Who am I?”, “Why is this happening to me?”, “What is the meaning of life?”, “How do I go on?”… These are some examples of the thoughts that may haunt your mind.
- You feel indecisive, blocked and unable to make decisions. Uncertainty and fear are strong, and you seem to lack the security to face the changes that come your way.
- You notice a certain strangeness about yourself and the world. You are not clear about your values, priorities or goals and it can be difficult for you to connect with the people around you.
- This emotional discomfort and these questions occupy all your mental space and you may have difficulty going about your daily life, with your obligations and activities. Now, you dedicate the time to introspection.
Why does the identity crisis occur?
It is possible to experience several identity crises throughout a life, since these sand are related to cycle changes and vital moments of transition. They appear when your identity (as established) is threatened and you are forced to rethink. Thus, the following are some of the situations that most frequently trigger this phenomenon.
The transition to adolescence
This is one of the most common identity crises and one that occurs in most people. The passage from childhood to adolescence involves great challenges and transformations at an age when you don’t yet have strong personal resources.
At this stage, young people become relatively detached from their parents to seek their place in the peer group. However, they are still not clear about who they are or who they want to be, what their opinions or goals are, or how to deal with this new role. For this, the support from parents can be very necessary.
Other significant life moments
Similar phenomena can occur later in life. For example, it is common for people in their late twenties to feel lost and disoriented: their studies have finished, but, perhaps, they still haven’t been able to establish themselves in the job market or stabilize a relationship (objectives towards which society presses insistently).
retirement and the aging they also often trigger major life crises. Especially those who have built their identity around work can feel that they lose their essence, their status and the meaning of their lives, and remain empty and confused for a time until they manage to adapt.
Drastic and unexpected changes
Usually, any changes in the roles you play It can trigger an identity crisis. This happens to a greater extent if it is about negative events such as a divorce, a dismissal, a health problem or the death of a loved one; but it can also occur in the face of positive changes such as a move, motherhood or the start of a new job.
lack of self-awareness
Those people who live more disconnected from themselves are the ones who are more likely to suffer an identity crisis. If you go on autopilot, without listening to you, without giving yourself moments of reflectionwithout strengthening the relationship with yourself, you will be more susceptible to any change, dilemma or unexpected event throwing you off balance and making you lose your center.
How to deal with an identity crisis?
Identity crises can last for months or even years, and be more or less intense depending on how they are handled. Professional accompaniment is always positive, as it gives you tools for self-knowledge and emotional management. However, there are also some steps you can take yourself:
- Stay calm and remember this won’t be forever. Faced with the intensity of negative emotions, you can go into despair and feel that you will never be okay again. However, it is important to remember that it is only a stage and that it is preferable to assume it and live it in peace.
- Feel, but don’t get hooked on emotions. At these times, trying to cover up or avoid the discomfort will only increase it. For this, allow yourself to feel fear, sadness, emptiness or despair. Express it, seek social support and let those emotions flow. This is the way to not get hooked on them and thus intensify them.
- root and reconnect using the simplest. Now that there is chaos in your mind and that uncertainty invades you, look for the certainty and simplicity of the most everyday. Clean your home, go out into nature, exercise, enjoy a good book or the company of your loved ones. These small actions will help you return to your center.
- Find the opportunity in the crisis. Remember that, despite the discomfort, this is a perfect time to start listening to yourself, redefine yourself and set new goals for yourself.
Ask for help if you need it
Not all identity crises are the same and at certain times they may affect you more or become more complicated to manage. For this, You should not hesitate to ask for help, both from those close to you and from qualified professionals. Psychotherapy can help you manage what you feel and prevent it from leading to major health problems; therefore, remember that you do not have to be able to handle everything alone.
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