We assume that the abandonment of a mother happens less and the pain of a child when losing her would be greater in relation to the absence of the father, however, either of the two links and/or losses can be equally painful. For this reason, when faced with the abandonment of dad or mom, the important thing is to know how to guide the child to go through this loss well.
One of the circumstances that we most fear human beings is the loss of someone’s love, it can be equated with the fear of death and for children, it has to do with the loss of the love of the caregiver, that is, without that love, there would be no care or food, that would mean death, hence the importance and meaning that children give to their parents; they exist, survive, recognize and prove their existence thanks to them, their primary caregivers.
In this sense, losing either link can be just as painful for a child. A good father can develop a great bond with his children, just as a mother could abandon them. The loss of a loved one generates pain, no matter if it was the father or the mother, the difference in how that pain is faced, will depend on how the person who was in the care of the child handles it.
HOW TO HELP A CHILD AGAINST THE ABANDONMENT OF DAD OR MOM
- First of all, you need to understand that you are going through a painful moment, denying the pain only makes things worse, distorts reality, and therefore the opportunity to deal with the problem.
- Pain is a reaction to lose, grief is how that pain is processed.
- Denying what is happening is useless, it prevents reaching grief, it only generates isolation and loneliness.
- By accepting the pain, you will be able to understand your son’s, talk to him, allow him to express what he feels, share with him that you are also hurting; Talking about it gives the opportunity to approach, share, empathize and therefore grow. They already lost a father or mother, so they don’t feel that they lose you too.
- Do not tell him lies or inventing fantasies, do not generate false hopes, the reality, even if it is painful, helps him face problems, do not tell him “he will return soon” “he went on a trip”,
- Finally, SEEK HELP! Therapy is the best way to understand what is happening and to be able to help your child, abandonment is a very painful event for the whole family and needs to be treated professionally.