Now that masturbation has been freed from taboos, we have come to consider it essential in many cases: If you masturbate and don’t enjoy something, you’re doing something wrong.. But like everything in life, there are not only black and white, there is a range of grays that exist and are as valid as any other color.
we tell you the most common causes (and also the simplest ones) why when you masturbate you don’t feel pleasurealthough there may be physiological problems for which it will be necessary to see a specialist.
What other people like you may not
The first thing you have to know is that that “normal” where clit suckers make you cum in 30 secondss yes or yes does not have to be your normality. Every body is different and every vulva and penis, toois the magic of human beings.
What gives you pleasure may not give me and vice versa, hence the importance of each person knowing (and recognizing) their own pleasure. You may be so turned on by poetry that listening to it makes you cum, or you may have trichophilia and touching your partner’s hair gives you so much pleasure that you feel like dying.
It is possible that you only manage to feel pleasure as a couple because you need an emotional connection to get excited, or that you enjoy penetration and in the clitoris, for example, you do not feel anything.
There are people who with a clit sucker they put a thousand and do not need anything else. What other people find pleasurable may not be for you, so don’t focus on doing what everyone tells you to do and find your sexual languagel.
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Look for your pleasure in other ways and ways of touching you. Invite yourself to try, investigate and enjoy yourself in every possible way and without judging yourself, so engrave this mantra on yourself: my pleasure is mine and how I get it is also my business. Out with taboos and up with sexual freedom.
You are thinking only of the final orgasm
not long ago we were talking about coitocentrism and it is time to introduce another term in our vocabulary that we are going to call orgasmocentrism or what is the same: orgasm obsession. We have focused (partly because of sex toys that promise orgasms yes or yes), that the most important thing is just that, to arrive.
To enjoy sex (either alone or with company) the first thing is to relax. We cannot get carried away if we are only thinking about having an orgasm. The journey is as important as the destination and if you don’t get there, nothing happens. We can enjoy the experience without all the final ecstasy.
Try dating yourself with all your senses and try not to think about the orgasm and focus on the sensations. Don’t look for the end, just focus your attention on what you feel when you masturbate and let yourself gor.
Anxiety and stress are bad bedfellows
The sexologist Mamen Jiménez already said it: stress is the archenemy of sexual life. Don’t blame yourself if in times of anxiety and stress you have low libido and when I touch you (as much as you try) nothing happens and you don’t feel anything at all. It’s like trying to get the perfect eyeliner when you’re having a bad day: don’t blame yourself, it can happen to anyone.
If you are at that time, you may need to go to psychology professionals, and if it is sex that generates anxietyvisit a sexologist or sexologist to help you manage this dynamic.
You’ve gotten used to something else in sex
You may have gotten used to feeling pleasure only in doggy style and with a partner, or just using a satisfyer and not the hands. One of the dangers of clitoral suckers, as Mamen Jiménez showed us in this articleis that you get used to the “infallible orgasm” and other types of stimulation end up not having an effect.
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It is possible that when you touch yourself you don’t like it or you only feel pleasure in a certain wayThat is why the expert advised trying different ways so as not to get the body used to a certain type of stimulation.
Sexual desire does not exist and pleasure disappears
Have you considered that maybe you don’t enjoy yourself because you don’t really have sexual desire? Maybe for you, masturbating is like eating without hunger, something that costs you and that you don’t enjoy at all.
María Esclápez, psychologist and sexologist, explained her book sexual intelligencethat “the motivation that initiates the sexual response is none other than desire”, and that desire is fluctuating. The sexual appetite is related to our mood or even physical problems and illnesses like depression, but it may simply not exist.
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If you are not interested in sex, maybe asexuality whatever really suits you. In it the person does not experience sexual attraction towards other people, or only feels sexual attraction to others under certain conditions or very punctually in your life. It is possible that you have no interest in sex, either with a partner or alone, and it is completely normal.
No matter what happens to you, the ideal is to go to a specialist to help you unravel why you don’t feel pleasure when you masturbate, and rule out any possible physiological cause such as dyspareunia.
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Photos | Giphy, Joshua Rawson-Harris on unsplash