Being an outstanding person has a dark side beyond triumph and recognition. With virtuosity comes enormous pressure to always be the best. Recently, psychology created the term “honor roll hangover”To refer to the psychological burden created by the rigid belief system that we are instilled in school about success, and that over time we drag ourselves to other facets of life: getting ten all the time, going to a good university, having fame, being the best of the team … or, being the Olympic star of your country.
The honor roll hangover forces you to take strict measures to earn yourself a privileged place in the world, only to find that after you do, you are still unhappy. With that comes an existential confusion: why if you achieved what you wanted so much do you still feel empty? It’s like running miles and miles to reach a rainbow, only to find that it doesn’t exist. Your only reward is being tired, empty, confused, and depressed.
The problem is not so much the goal, but the relationship with it. An outstanding person tends to overidentify with his goals, to the degree that he bases his value as a person on them. Simone Biles, for example, was failing stunts that normally shouldn’t go wrong, months before the Olympics. If we add to that the pressure of being the face of one of the most beloved sports of the American public – gymnastics -, how not to collapse? An Olympic athlete, by dedicating himself to his sport of choice at such a demanding level, acquires a very aggressive attitude towards his goals and success, which, according to some research, leads to the famous and feared burnoutas well as reduced motivation. Other studies indicate that, in addition, this type of success causes an addiction to goals: the brain reacts to a reward system that is satisfied only by setting goals, and not even by meeting them. Therefore, it is common for people to pursue goals even when they do not cause them happiness.
Breaking the cycle begins with acknowledging goals that no longer serve you. This is done taking into account three signals: You no longer feel motivated, you think more about the result than the process, and the goal brings you more stress than benefits. If a goal has any of these three characteristics, it is very possible that it will no longer go with you.
The honor roll hangover forces you to take strict measures to earn yourself a privileged place in the world, only to find that after you do, you are still unhappy. With that comes an existential confusion: why if you achieved what you wanted so much do you still feel empty? It’s like running miles and miles to reach a rainbow, only to find that it doesn’t exist. Your only reward is being tired, empty, confused, and depressed.
The problem is not so much the goal, but the relationship with it. An outstanding person tends to overidentify with his goals, to the degree that he bases his value as a person on them. Simone Biles, for example, was failing stunts that normally shouldn’t go wrong, months before the Olympics. If we add to that the pressure of being the face of one of the most beloved sports of the American public – gymnastics -, how not to collapse? An Olympic athlete, by dedicating himself to his sport of choice at such a demanding level, acquires a very aggressive attitude towards his goals and success, which, according to some research, leads to the famous and feared burnoutas well as reduced motivation. Other studies indicate that, in addition, this type of success causes an addiction to goals: the brain reacts to a reward system that is satisfied only by setting goals, and not even by meeting them. Therefore, it is common for people to pursue goals even when they do not cause them happiness.
Breaking the cycle begins with acknowledging goals that no longer serve you. This is done taking into account three signals: You no longer feel motivated, you think more about the result than the process, and the goal brings you more stress than benefits. If a goal has any of these three characteristics, it is very possible that it will no longer go with you.
Another thing to acknowledge is the reason you are pursuing something. This is closely linked to the previous point: if you only do it for recognition, to demonstrate something or to look good with someone, instead of doing it for the happiness that the activity in question gives you, it is time to move towards other goals.