If we adults have a hard time understanding and mourning, all the more reason for children. That is why it is important to know how your child could face death, according to his age, in order to help him live through this difficult moment. We share these points about how a child reacts when someone close dies.
DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO, HOW TO REACT WITH YOUR CHILD AT A TIME LIKE THIS?
If you talk to him about death directly or in a veiled way, take him to the wake, hide the truth from him, talk to him about religion … What to do?
I share with you a description of how children can react when someone close to them dies, according to their age. This will help you to have more clarity to understand your child and to help him understand his emotions and those he is experiencing.
There are 5 compression criteria towards death according to the stage of the child’s development:
From 0 to 2 years: Does not recognize the idea of death, however, lives intensely the feelings of separation. You can capture the pain of those around you, changes in routines, sadness and changes in physical contact. Tip: try not to lose the daily routine that you had with him before the loss, regarding his care, food, sleep habits, etc.
2 to 3 years: He does not consider death to be definitive, he confuses death with sleep, he still believes that death is reversible. Tip: avoid telling him that the person who died is sleeping or is going to wake up in heaven, your child will take it literally.
3 to 6 years: Still perceives death as a temporary and reversible state, that is, as the person who died can wake up. If your child has a highly developed imagination, he could experience emotional crises in situations in which the dead person can return. Tip: Talk about death, tell him that it is an event in which the person’s body stops working and can no longer live.
6 to 9 years: He begins to perceive death as real and that it is forever (the dead remains dead, is not asleep and will not wake up). They may accept the fact that someone is dead and it is final but they still do not accept that it should happen to everyone, especially not to them. Tip: help him say goodbye to the person; You can accompany him to see the corpse, as long as it is tolerated and calming the anguish that this causes him. In addition, at this stage your child will show curiosity about the rituals of death, wakes, burials etc; Allow yourself to tell him about sadness.
9 to 10 years: Understands that death is inevitable, that there is nothing that can be done to prevent it and that it is not a punishment, but part of life. Tip: Help him understand that neither he nor anyone else is to blame for someone dying. Although he is mature, your son may regress at the impact of death and not understand clearly what happened even if you explain it to him.
10-12 years: The concept of death matures almost completely, at this time, knowing the life history of the deceased allows children to come to an understanding of the loss. Tip: Seek to talk to your child about it and observe his social behavior so you can guide his own emotions.
If you notice that your child reacts excessively in his emotions, attitudes or behavior, to the extent that it affects his social relationships (he isolates himself, for example,
or is aggressive), it could be considered an indicator of pathological grief,
which I will talk to you about in another article.