7 minutes
A couple’s bond must be a source of love and protection. If loneliness has settled in your relationship, we help you identify what it may be due to and how you can solve it.
Relationships provide affection and security, help increase self-esteem and mood, and provide a pleasant sense of belonging. Next to the partner or companion you feel loved, valued and understood; or at least it should be. Unfortunately sometimes loneliness is installed in a relationship …
No one engages in a love affair with the expectation of feeling lonely, empty, and unsatisfied. In fact, generally the beginnings of relationships are marked by passion, intimacy and the constant desire to share with the other person.
Nevertheless, it is common for the dynamics to change over time and the emotional connection to deteriorate. If this is your case, we will show you what it may be due to and what you can do to solve it.
Why can you feel lonely in a relationship?
The reasons why you can feel lonely in a relationship are very diverse. Some of them may be directly related to your partner’s behavior, but others may have to do with your beliefs and expectations or ,,, simply, with the dynamics of the relationship. We help you recognize them so you can start working on them.
Attachment styles
Attachment style is the way to bond that every human being has. It is related to the upbringing received in childhood and the degree to which your caregivers knew how to meet your needs. Thus, when one or both members of the couple have an insecure attachment, difficulties may arise.
If you feel lonely in your relationship, you are likely to have an ambivalent attachment style. This is characterized by an insatiable emotional hunger, by a constant need for the partner to be present and reaffirm their feelings and their commitment. However, no manifestation of affection seems sufficient to calm the feeling of anxiety.
Present this style of bonding it is especially painful when the other person shows avoidant attachment; that is, he is cold and elusive, pretends to be independent, and reluctant to compromise.
Paradoxically, this person can also feel lonely because of the walls that he builds around him; however, the relationship turns out to be harmful and unsatisfactory for both of them.
Evolution of love
Sometimes the feeling of loneliness in a relationship comes simply from the misunderstanding of the evolution process of love. Naturally relationships are transformed, and from the initial passion gives way to a more mature love based on companionship and commitment. For some people this transition is shocking and they experience it as very negative; They assume that their partner is on the decline and they constantly miss the initial states.
Own emotional deficiencies
When you start a relationship with the intention that the other fill your voids and heal your emotional deficiencies, suffering is almost inevitable. If you refuse to explore yourself and do personal work, and you project on the other the responsibility to make you happy, it is likely that it will not be able to fulfill the task. In fact, no one can give you what it is up to you to offer.
In other cases, the feeling of loneliness may have an important reality basis. Professional, family and personal obligations may not leave you time to share as a couple. If you do not cultivate the bond daily, it is logical and expected that it will deteriorate and you end up feeling the effects.
Disinterest and emotional disconnection
Finally, it is not possible to ignore the fact that sometimes one of the members of the relationship, or both, lose interest. At this point There are no topics of conversation with the couple, their company is lived as routine or obligation and the person is distant. It is possible that over time the individual goals have changed and are no longer in sync.
What can you do if you find yourself in this situation?
As you can see, the reasons that lead to loneliness in a relationship can be very different and the solutions will depend directly on what the cause is. However, there are some guidelines you can follow to reconnect with your partner and alleviate the feeling of loneliness:
- Explore your expectations. Does your partner really not offer you time, love and understanding or is it that you expect and demand too much? Ask yourself if the level of commitment and affection you expect is reasonable and healthy. to get. See if you are allowing the relationship to evolve naturally.
- Identify everything that you think you are missing from your partner and start by giving it to yourself. Take care to build your self-esteem, to love yourself, to take care of yourself and to respect yourself. Identify your needs and cover them, find your desires and fulfill them. Take charge of your own happiness first.
- Communicate with your partner in an assertive way. Explain how you feel and listen to their point of view. Evaluate together what the problems in the relationship are and how they can be solved. If you put effort into spending quality time together and maintaining small gestures and details that nurture the bond, intimacy will rebound.
- Be honest with yourself and with your partner or partner. If your goals, interests, goals, and future plans no longer match, it may be time to go your separate ways.
When should you seek professional help?
Communication is a fundamental basis on which great strides can be made. If between you and your partner it is possible to establish a sincere, open, comprehensive and solution-oriented dialogue, it is likely that you will be able to redirect the situation. However, it is common that this is precisely one of the main problems: the inability to communicate.
In this case, Going to couples therapy can help you identify conflicts, allow both of you to express yourselves in a safe environment and encourage both of you to acquire personal and joint tools to change the dynamics of the relationship.
However, if your partner does not want professional help, or if you feel that the origin may be in your own expectations and emotions, individual therapy can also be of great help.
In short, feeling lonely in a relationship is something that can happen in a timely manner, when going through certain transitions or especially complicated stages. Nevertheless, if it becomes a constant action is necessary. Your partner should be your safe place, the refuge to which you go to feel heard, understood and supported. If not, do not settle and seek advice.
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