4 minutes
Assertive indifference has nothing to do with overlooking our rights and allowing any behavior. It involves choosing how we want to react.
Assertiveness and indifference go hand in hand? Yes. Although at first they seem opposite terms, it is about two behaviors that come together in assertive indifference and that can help us moderate our reactions.
It’s about overlooking some occasions, so that is healthier than reacting. Let’s see a little more how this answer can help you and when it is convenient to stop using it.
What is and what are the characteristics of assertive indifference?
Assertive indifference implies not publicly demonstrate a reaction to a given stimulus. Although many definitions speak of preventing or blocking a reaction to a stimulus, do not confuse. Everything is an answer, even not answering.
What assertive indifference refers to is choosing how to react.
Always being on the alert or responding is exhausting. Especially when it doesn’t stop. Therefore, assertive indifference may be an alternative.
Indifference is doing like it doesn’t matter, not leading to provocation. Many people live from conflict and seek where to unleash it. The downside is that when we enter that game, we are susceptible to continuing there indefinitely.
From the assertiveness you learn to register other people and tailor our responses, but with sensitivity towards the other. It also means standing up for our rights and learning to set limits.
When and how to use assertive indifference?
Assertive indifference is an idea that It arose linked to the sphere of the couple. However, it can be used in other areas. For example, in the workplace or in groups of friends.
Many times we have joking companions or friends who provoke us. With assertive nonchalance, after a few times when we don’t give room to their jokes or jokes, we can defuse those actions.
In many cases it has been recommended to use assertive indifference to avoid entering into power games, especially when one of the people exercises manipulation over the other. It is important in those cases where our reactions are taken as information to continue provoking.
In highly competitive environments, assertive indifference can be a matter of survival. However, it is important to connect with ourselves and think about how we feel in those relationships.
When is it not advisable to use it?
It is not about making an uncritical use of assertive indifference. Not at all. The point is that you can evaluate when it is better to be silent and when it is better to intervene. In short, you can choose which battles you want to fight.
When the responses become rigid and we always respond from the confinement, you may be left with this feeling of loss, helplessness, or frustration. The idea points to the opposite, to respond strategically, analyzing situations.
Sometimes it is necessary to put a brake on certain people, while at other times we are not emotionally available to do so. This response is also not recommended in abusive or toxic relationships, which put our well-being, self-esteem and mental health at risk.
Advantages and disadvantages of assertive indifference
Among the main advantages of assertive nonchalance are the following:
- It is very useful to use it in those cases in which our interlocutor does not listen to us. That is to say, it is about a person with whom it is difficult to talk, that she is not usually very empathetic and that she would be very little (or nothing) involved in changing her behavior.
- It is useful in front of those people who bother to bother.
Disadvantages of assertive nonchalance include the following:
- Although it serves not to give rise to conflict, one of its disadvantages is that it does not help to deal with what is bothering us directly. In other words, ignoring does not mean that we are being clear about what we dislike. So that the other person does not have much possibility to modify their behavior either.
It’s not about pretending nothing is wrong
Assertive nonchalance does not mean that you should ignore other people’s behavior. It is important to learn to speak, be respected and express how we feel. Assertiveness is a social skill that we must develop to maintain healthy relationships.
It will also be necessary to set limits and not accept those things that make us feel uncomfortable. In many cases, it will be better to distance yourself and leave a relationship, rather than maintain it at any cost.
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